Look, I don’t want to be a total buzzkill but here it is: David Letterman is just…whatever, you know? Amongst all these Best of David Letterman crap fests flying around the internet for the last million years it seems like, I am surprised there seems to be so little shoulder shrugging and remembering that he’s just your average old white guy who got a great job back when they were basically handing out the great jobs to white guys. He’s just been around the longest. Congrats. At the factory, they give guys like him a watch or something. Okay, yes, we don’t have factories anymore but like, say you work at the call center until they force you out because you’re senile? Hopefully you get at least a watch for that. David Letterman totally deserves a watch. But all this rhapsodizing about how wonderful and blah blah blah he was? Um, he wasn’t. The dude had a bunch of famous people on his TV show. Congratulate the publicists and the agents and the advertisers for that. And he had this thing where he made up funny top ten lists. So, okay, we have David Letterman to thank for fucking BUZZFEED. See what I mean: NOT THAT GREAT.
Also, and I don’t mean to make all you David Letterman Heads (Davies? Letterites?) feel sad about your idol, but the dude boned hella people who worked for him while he was married. Because he’s a man, he gets to be grateful that everyone was cool with it. No one is talking about the power dynamics involved when a boss sleeps with his employees. No one is talking about how his wife probably feels. I mean, not that being a cheater is the worst thing ever, but taking advantage of underlings is majorly fucked up.
I grew up without a TV which is maybe why I don’t get the deal with everyone losing their minds with nostalgia over a boring old white dude. Sorry to keep mentioning he’s a white dude but, well, he is. Just like everyone else in late night TV. So original. Such an iconoclast.
Whatever. I don’t even care that much. I just wanted this opinion to be registered somewhere on the internet. He’s not that funny. He’s not that smart. He’s not that great of a person. He got “lucky” in the way that his whole generation got lucky–on the backs of women and people of color. So yeah. Woohoo. Bye David Letterman. Here’s to hoping you don’t die soon so we can just forget about you and not have to hear any more stupid self-involved stories from celebrities about what you did or didn’t say to them on national TV. RIP or have a great vacation or pray to God your Social Security doesn’t run out. Whatever you want. I, for one, am glad you are no longer on TV.