by Nick Jackson
My cat is making me compile a list of reasons why he will be supporting Donald Trump in the upcoming California Primary:
Like all cats, he’s fiscally conservative.
Trump leaves a lot of uneaten seafood under those silver dome food trays.
My cat thinks I’m an idiot and wants to use his vote to nullify mine.
Hillary Clinton supported the military coup of Honduras and the assassination of human rights activist Berta Cáceres, destabilizing the region and causing the price of Central American shellfish to skyrocket.
Trump has a little-known habit of dangling a feather on a string everywhere he goes.
My cat recently described Bernie Sanders as “a total herb.”
My cat thinks it might be kind of fun to climb The Wall.
Ted Cruz eats cat meat.
My cat is a strong proponent of the right to claw arms.
Kasich? Come on.
Trump has tacitly promised to give a percentage of the civil liberties soon to be taken away from particular groups to cats.
Nicholas Jackson produces a weekly podcast called i might go to the beach, which can be found on iTunes or imightgotothebeach.com