Drunk on truth to stupid baby power.

Ten Things to Expect from the New X-Files


Six new episodes of The X-Files are coming to FOX in January, and fans are buzzing about what storylines their favorite fictional Feds might get mixed up in. Here are some likely ideas:

    1. App that kills people episode
    2. Mulder is going to have a hard time if he’s continued to believe that every conspiracy theory is true since the early 2000’s. It takes a lot of rhetorical calisthenics to convince yourself that Bush did 9/11 and Obama did Sandy Hook.
    3. “Scully, I’m in love with you. We’ve probably gotten it on at some heretofore unmentioned point through all this, but that’s not what matters. What matters is that I know I’m difficult. Borderline autistic. Arrogant. Kind of a sad loser. But I’ve just received word from none other than the President of the United States that every member of the evil syndicate we’ve been chasing for decades is being arrested and summarily tried for treason thanks to the work we’ve done. It was all worth it. And we can finally end this crazy charade.”
    4. “Oh, Mulder, I love you, too. Now that we’ve finished saving the American people, let’s move to Adams Morgan and shop at Whole Foods and occasionally take trips to Europe but mostly spend our money responsibly, on things like our kids’ college educations, but not let them get so pampered that they don’t know the value of hard work, and every now and then we’ll watch the old Alien Autopsy video and laugh about how confusing and frightening and gritty things used to be, but how all that’s behind us now.”
    5. CIGARETTE SMOKING MAN: “And I’ve learned something, too. I’ve learned that secrecy, murder, conspiracy, and selling out your planet to a group of malevolent beings from another planet can get you pretty far in this country– almost to the top. But it can’t get you everything. Remember the one about how I’m a failed fiction writer? So good, right?”
    6. “Isn’t it great that we’re all better people?”
    7. “Sha! As if!”
    8. “As if we’d end it like that!”
    9. “Let’s do the mega-bleak ending.”
    10. “Okay!”


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