Ten Best Places to Buy a House
Deciding where to live in 2017 is more dangerous than ever.
Here’s what we're hoping to see on Saturday night.
Who would Dr. Neil DeGrasse Tyson use as his Pokemon Go buddy?
"It just sucks because this was supposed to be a vacation for me. I work so hard and I just wanted a nice weekend where I hunt a man."
Here’s the thing about fights: They’re stupid. Logic goes out the door, and with it, civility, language and by virtue, a chunk of our identity.
"Hi minorities, I'm just like you."
"Hey, let’s not have sex again for the duration of his term in office, okay?"
Only a worthwhile venture if there are no women without children being held for ransom around, or else if she’s smoking hot.
All your faves have failed at one point or another.
Another roundup, baby!!
A great fuckboy anthem.
On buying a cool vintage t-shirt.
Courtney Love meets Stevie Nicks, what could be more witchy and magical?
"When it was over, there had been a small amount of poison left that Lucy kept on a cocktail napkin on her shelf."
"I was driving home from the last night of teaching this fucking class for the fucking summer when I hit a fucking deer and killed it."
"Any upright vigil can be attended by the mess that takes time to read."
"Livin’ a dream, ain’t it? Well, livin’ a nightmare actually…"
"Maybe you don’t have the sense of wonder to appreciate a show like this."
Do some laughing with these goofballs in the next few weeks, why don't you
Stranger Things is our only source of happiness in a world where "dumpster fire" has been overused to the point of cliché.
"It was hard to tell at almost-nineteen what was normal and what was specific to the excruciating silences of the relationships in my family."
"Another group of attractive women hand out packs of Trolli Sour Brite WEIRD BEARDS (gummi candies shaped like NBA player James Harden)."
"Lesson learned: don't believe the hype when the GOP promises economic growth."
"I hate you, America. You're boring and uncomfortable."
"The theme today was Make America Work Again, so maybe everyone was at work."
"It's heartbreaking, and also obscene and terrifying, because those people have a lot of guns."
Bridget Callahan is in Cleveland covering the scene surrounding the Republican National Convention. The story continues here. The week before coming to the Republican National…
"One night I progressively got ready for bed while hosting an open mic, changing into my pajamas in between sets"
Honoring what now passes as excellence in Journalism and the Arts
"There's a thrilling world of comedy in this city I want to impose myself on and share with you"
"I’m stuttering just thinking about that shit."
I’m sure you’re asking what I would provide your darling children as their formal caretaker.
It was inspired by "that scene in Swordfish where Hugh Hackman hacks for two straight minutes while drinking wine and shouting, 'No, no, no! Wait-- yes!'"
With Madonna Refugia!
"If you thought twitter was gross last time, hold onto your butts for what's coming next."
“What do you mean the money’s gone?”
Technically, I could go outside. But I have no money, and very little gas in my car.
There is Shit, they are Going Through It, and their post is fast accruing some of the worst advice one can imagine.
When first I sat down, it was with the intention of beginning an adaptation of "The Most Dangerous Game."
"Forsake all but convenience."
She sees her body—the red puffy jacket, the blue skin now bloated in the cold sea.
I received your most recent letter and was surprised by its brevity. It read simply, “Yo. You up?”
"There’s gurgling in my head when I close my eyes."
Here's what the Internet will look like between now and September.
"What if I stopped being afraid of enjoying being alone? If I enjoyed my life just as it is presented to me, at this very moment?"
Nate and Alicia encounter a bevy of unusual characters.
"Like all cats, he's fiscally conservative."
"I don’t know what Joey is thinking about before that lightning bolt hits him."
"Keillor was swift and harsh in throwing me out, and I hate to sound paranoid, but I believe he’s had it out for me ever since."
"Unfortunately, your lungs did not speak to me."
"That's a lot of pressure, Terry."
"Somewhere there is a normal person living a normal life and yet experiencing it through the thoughts and feelings of one who is more Kanye than Kanye."
"And her freckles converging like traffic with the sudden slight smile that appears now, and the nape of her neck like some alabaster vase God dammit."
Some goofs from the road with Lizzy Acker, Malena Magnolia and Evan Hume!
This is auteur television at its most auteur-y.
I was thinking about you in relation to DeVito and I figured I’d put together a definitive list of the times he reminded me of you.
More choice puns from Tom Swift's greatest Granddaughter.
"I laughed nervously as I imagined all the ways I was going to die. How many bodies have been thrown into the Mississippi?"
"I just figured out the clean break! I am the patron saint of rejection!"
"You need a dollar, a twelve pack of beer, a gram of coke... and a whip!"
You know how you have that friend you see just once a year because that's all you can stand them? For us, that's the Banshee.
The compelling actor is well-suited for a number of historical babe roles.
Is your bae always too busy for you because she's "tunneling"?
The Crybaby, The Anarchist and more!
When I was your age I begged my old man for an NES. Damn thing only cost a hundred and twenty bucks, but you'd've thought it cost a million. Hard being a kid, I guess.
Ryan Houlihan talks about Cheryl Cole and Liam Payne, parents' crushes, social media etiquette and more!
Our friend Katherine gives us advice and goes on at length about her favorite cartoon bird.
"When I was a kid I thought it was one of those incredibly complicated things only moms and politicians understood. I now fear that it’s one of those things nobody understands."
"Sad, weird stuff."
Hire us, Hollywood!
"Deadpool meets Osmosis Jones meets treason"
An unspeakable thrill ride. You’ll find shock… horror… lust… and wild excitement!
"I’m going to tell you a story and you’re not going to like me very much."
What the hell is the Iowa Caucus anyways?
Some choice quotes from Tom Swift's Great Great Granddaughter .
"Yeah, there was no shortage of slave girls at those GWAR-B-Qs."
"Every woman I’ve ever looked up to is alone, but if you leave me, I’ll die."
As much as I’d like to write a book, I think what I really want is to have written a book already.
"Alan Rickman made me the kinky transfag that I am today."
Brought to you by GWAR bar.
Chris Ledford always wins his office Oscar pool, so you should listen to him.
No creativity required on my end.
"Red lashes out at Yellow, but his anger is clearly directed inwards."
If I won the Powerball and suddenly found myself with around a billion dollars to blow, I would announce a contest—the entirety of my fortune to anyone who could figure out how…
Alright class, today we're going to learn about the supply and demand of love.
It would have to be a very "Tralfamadore" situation.
For this film, are you excited, super-excited, or being held in a maniac's basement?
“You know, my friend Pete’s dad goes to the gym. Pete’s dad takes care of his body, 'cause he loves Pete.”
For the next generation.
You don't have to, though. It's really optional.
You sent us your most amazing Bill Murray sightings and here they are!
Here’s to all that great work you’ve done pointing your face, brother. Pointing your face and moving in the direction it’s pointing.
The only character in these things worth getting excited about is Lando.
Pre-shoot yourself before leaving the house, so any gunmen will think they already got you and move on.
Every friend group has one!
A reminder of just how horrible the radio can be.
Do you commemorate John Lennon’s death by letting a lunatic shoot you with a gun every December 8th?
Tom Batten envisions his life and romantic pursuits as a bank teller.
Climb the corporate ladder in no time with these bad boys.
“Some people think distractions keeps you from dealing with your problems but I think it’s all right, I think having a distraction is the first step in moving on.”
Diane Nowandlater and Carol Guddenplente pay tribute to one of the worst songwriters of all time, starting soon at the Annoyance.
It's like a literary journal! Holy cow!
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles had finally done it—they had killed Krang.
He left in a rush after hearing an ad for the new McDonald’s Sirloin Third Pound Burger on the radio, and Victoria knew the day of reckoning had come at last.
Miri had never been dry humped so much in her whole life.
“Why stop at a chicken?” said Dopey Mope Mope.
"I’m in the coliseum fighting lions and you’re hugging bunnies in a petting zoo."
"She wonders if they are going to swim despite the odds, then reads on: the ladder isn't to be used for swimming but for emergency purposes."
Today's second Kacy Cunningham story, part of Tusk Fiction Week.
"You think you’ve had awkward sex?"
“It’s because I’m part bird.”
"You know the killer who spoke directly to God? I was the one who told the killer to tie his long beard like a ponytail with little elastics."
"At first, even his embarrassment (such a humiliating feeling, this captivation) had a way of thrilling him. But as the weeks passed, the burden of his love no longer brought even…
"This Elephant Man bones, Liz Taylor, hyperbaric chamber bullshit you’re going through now is nothing. It’s nothing compared to what’s coming."
“I told him an audience wouldn’t stand for it, that we’d seen this sort of thing play out before.”
"You required three hours of surgery to remove pieces of broken glass from your body."
"Bringing up George Saunders as an ice breaker when I was in school getting an MFA worked like a charm, but in the real world people want to know what you think about Tom Brady."
Today is a true Monday.
Here's the really scary stuff.
What's in a voice?
Food so good that the knowledge of it will bring humanity to the brink of a collective madness.
Comedians Joe Rumrill and Mary Houlihan weigh in on your couples costumes.
A plea for Berkeleyites to stop being hall monitors.
#8 was not what I expected.
A life without suffering or desire? Ugh! Nirvana sounds horrible.
Here's what we have to look forward to.
Romance author Maya Rodale helps you with your love questions!
A definitive, objective list.
Listen, Who knows exactly what we have to do to end the violence.
His dashing good looks? His talent? Or does he just transcend "cool" altogether?
This book is so good you'll want to read it twice.
Buckingham's departure made way for the Vito years, which were hairier times.
“I’m Still the Best and All You Kids Today Are Doing It Wrong.”
Anxiety, Queens, Lebowski, and the significance of donuts.
Bet it never occurred to you that Sauron may be the unsung hero of the whole series.
Singing elves, Guardian Angels, and Left Shark courtship rituals at the Atlanta Dragon Con
Alicia Camden and Nate Waggoner used to be boyfriend-girlfriend. Now they're cohost-cohost.
"Do I even need to make a Pizza Rat joke? Is Pizza Rat going to be something people remember two days from now?"
Their new album just came out.
It’s dusk, and they’ve been working on songs and recording demos since the previous night.
If I were a cat, I think I’d feel nothing but disdain for other cats who wasted their time hunting birds.
The following are excerpted from “List of Walt Disney Pictures films” on Wikipedia. 1. Darby O’Gill and the Little People 2. The Littlest Horse Thief 3. Savage…
They can't all be as solid of a premise as "Hotel."
I would never, ever say "Landslide" is my favorite Fleetwood Mac song. Never. Fuck no. I'm a real fan.
Here, ladies, I made this for you. I know it’s lonely at open mics, and tiring, and nearly unbearable. But if we can’t be there for each other in person, we can still have…
"It ends with you in a Target parking lot, crying."
Before you comment, please take this quiz.
Going down a rabbit hole with the anti-Mick Fleetwood anthem.
The one-woman show of the century!
"When I’m an old man I’m going to become a right-wing, homophobic, racist lunatic. I don’t want this to happen, but inevitably it will."
Everybody loves cannibalizing musical hunks!
Bowie was inspired to write “Heroes” after watching his producer Tony Visconti kiss his mistress in front of the Berlin Wall.
Finally, a chance to hear about some of the twisted social commentary at Banksy's new art piece.
"It’s 1986, the scorching comes, and I don’t know how to belong among my fighting kind."
On the rising popularity of female-driven psychological thrillers.
And see their float in this year's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade! Definitely!
Are you a New Yorker with California on your mind or vice-versa? You’re in luck, because the common thread of all these links is a fusion of east and west coast…
But there is one ray of hope in this dark, hot present moment: The Wet Hot American Summer prequel, First Day of Camp comes out on July 31st.
There are spoilers hiding in every corner of the internet just waiting to ruin the season for you, the faster you see it the better. What will you even talk about with your…
I could definitely help these fictional characters get on the right path.
"Please be ashamed of course."
Welcome to heartbreak.
Southern fun and nightmare doom.
Deciding where to live in 2017 is more dangerous than ever.
Deciding to buy a house in 2017 is a big decision. Deciding where to buy a house can be even trickier. Is there a good school…
Originally posted on Yes, Please! Literature:
Mark Hollandaise, music journalist and now author of the forthcoming book of essays Music Means So F@#$ing Much to Me! from Harpo,…
But if this wasn’t heaven, where was it?
Tom Batten isn’t setting out to just write any novel– he’s setting out to write a Haruki Murakami novel.
A song in which you can see the past and future of, oddly enough, punk rock.
Karaoke ranks above art and sex.
“I read in Lotus magazine that scientists have proven that table salt is seventy percent sodium chloride.”
The first time I saw something about the outbreak on the news I’d be comfortable making a joke about it.
“He or she possesses all the qualities you arbitrarily decided were desirable when you were like eleven years old.”