Watching Orange Is the New Black from the comfort of non-prison, while a chicken cooks in my crock pot, I can’t help but think how sad it must be to be in prison. I mean, I don’t know much about prison at all, except what I’ve seen on Oz and OITNB and since Oz is so terrifying, I choose to believe it’s actually more OITNB flavored. From my place of complacent privilege, I like to fantasize about the ways I could help these fictional characters. I mean, I am a pretty successful person–I literally have a chicken in my pot–and I think if I were to meet these fictional people, were they real, in the real world, just a few words of wisdom, maybe a little push in the right direction from me, would save them..
Red-All Red needs is a battalion to lead. Maybe some kind of Army Corps of Engineers thing or the Girl Scouts.
Poussey– Poussey could use a leadership role on an Outward Bound trip. Learn about herself, how powerful she is, etc.
Crazy Eyes– Yoga. Meditation. Maybe some chants.
Boo– A high school Gay Straight Alliance.
Pennsatucky– Head Start. Obamacare.
Taystee– Taystee could have really benefitted from the Girl Scouts of America.
So-So– I think Girl Scouts would have also been great for So-So. Probably some time at camp.
Daya– Just one middle school teacher who really acknowledged her artistic talent.
Nicky– Easy. She needs a mother. I’d be her mother.
Piper– I would not help her.
Alex– I would not help her.